Dealing With Mental Illness, featured content, Political Hunger Games, Politics, Pressing the Hot Button, Women's Issues

She’s a Woman, Ya Know What I Mean?

Jenifire – Fierce but Friendly

Political Story Time

I was with my “partner”for 5 years. I’d had a crush on them for a few years before we got together, so naturally I was ecstatic when they finally asked me to get involved. I was completely enchanted. Did you ever believe in something so intrinsically that you would argue with anyone up and down, all day long, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary? Did you ever make excuses for some people, allow them to treat you badly, or speak to you with a threatening or intimidating tone, just to keep the peace? Of course you have, you’re a woman. Me too. I grew weary of being disappointed. I grew tired of giving myself endlessly to something that gave me nothing back. I showed loyalty above all else, and I got nothing. They knew I was proactive; a committed, hard worker. They knew I gave my all, and then some. It didn’t matter. I was disposable. My “partner” was my political party. I gave them the heave-ho. Yes, I am a former Liberal. Like many, I became disenchanted. I saw wrong being done and I refused to be a part of it. I refused to be quiet about It. I refused to be beaten down. I almost lost my life because of this party. They couldn’t beat me but they did knock me down. I got back up, dusted myself off, and became stronger. I have grown in the time since I left the Liberals. I honed my political skills any way I could. I stayed active. I helped write press releases for one party. I “dated” all parties. I was a campaign manager for one individual. I ended up running against this person and secured a second place finish in that election, our most recent snap election. An illegal election. A “fixed” election. The PC’s had every advantage. The rest of us had a level playing field with each other. For the rest of us, it was a fight for a second place finish. I won that battle. I came in second. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says, I’m very proud of that. I remained true to myself. I stayed honest. I stayed open. I was still battling mental illness while campaigning. I feel like I pulled off a small miracle, and so would most others, if they had any idea what I was going through.

If you kick me when I’m down, you’re going to feel it when I get back up.

She’s Going to Set you Free

.I’ve been trying to find a political “home” since leaving the Liberals. Getting into a new relationship is never easy. I considered my self a “free agent”. In some ways I still do. I think leaving a political party is like leaving a marriage. A part of it always remains with me. It is the experience in which I compare all others. If it weren’t for greed and ego, I’d probably still be with that party. When I go in, I go ALL in. Despite the perfect glove fit, my conscience wouldn’t let me abandon my principles; my integrity, my brutal honesty, and my impeccable work ethic. I was like the battered wife, I stayed as long as I could, to be as supportive as possible while they needed me, but then the threats came. I got backed into a corner. I fought my way out. It can come naturally to me, I’m a fighter. I had my disappear-bag packed and walked out the door, swinging at anyone who threatened me on the way out. I took a few hits but I also landed a few blows. It would make sense for one to think that this party is irrelevant to me now. They are and they aren’t. Things happened. Things I can’t erase. Things I can’t undo. Things I can’t ever forget. It is my experiences with this party that has shaped not only who I am as a politician, but who I am as a person. I may seem harsh and cold to some. I may seem appallingly know-it-all to others. Both are partly true. There’s good reason for that. I’ve had a lot of experience in the political arena, in many different areas. I’ve been a dedicated volunteer. I’ve given my time. Loads of it. I’ve given my hard-earned money. Too much of it. I’ve given my all, and lost myself in it. Each experience, and position I undertook taught me something; being a director of communications in a provincial leadership race, managing a campaign for a good candidate from a party in which I have little in common, knocking on endless doors, fundraising, coordinating volunteers, becoming a candidate and throwing my name and my life on a ballot. I’ve learned about the push and the pull. I’ve seen the grey in between the black and white. I’ve learned about compromise. I’ve learned humility. I’ve learned to listen, to really listen to what some people don’t say. Some of these experiences have taught me painful but valuable lessons. Some have been educational opportunities. Some have revealed things about myself that I didn’t recognize before. Some things I like. Some things, not so much, but it is all me. I love me. Part of growth is recognizing my own strengths and weaknesses. I am just like everyone else. I have both. My specialty is turning a perceived weakness into a strength; a negative into a positive, if you will. I do love a good challenge and I almost always favour the underdog. I’ll be making a move very soon, one way or the other. My passions take me where I need to be. My rallying cry will be heard by all. As I said previously, when I go in, I go all in, until I win.

I Can, and I Will

Common Ground

I’ve made friends and forged alliances based on common ground. My friendships reach across every party line. I’m a firm believer that sometimes we need to be told exactly what we don’t want to hear. Nobody does that better than a friendly adversary. I’m very grateful for all the support I receive. It comes from many different directions. Right or left, it doesn’t matter to me what we call it. These labels are constructs that blur lines. What matters to me is that we move forward. What matters to me is that we write and support policies that progress the interests of every single New Brunswicker. What matters to me is breaking the stranglehold Irving has over our most precious natural resource. What matters to me is that all of us benefit from what is ours, not just one billionaire family and his friends. What matters to me is protecting our environment from corporations like Irving, who leave a lasting imprint on the biodiversity of our province, and not in a good way. What matters to me are human rights, healthcare, mental health help, equality, infrastructure, education, vision and dental care, just to name a few things. Call it what you will. What matters to me is that we respect and take care of each other. We are each other’s friends and neighbours. Be kind. Stay safe. Be well.

Common Ground
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7 Ways to stay ahead of Covid Depression

Get outside

Identify Your Support Systems

Dealing with the isolation of Covid life can get to the best of us. Many of us have legitimate worries and concerns that aren’t going to go away on their own. We have problems hanging over our heads, constant reminders that life still goes on, despite this new Covid reality. Our new normal is mentally taxing. It’s tough for the most positive person to stay positive all the time. It”s a mindset. It’s a way of thinking that directs your brain to look for the good, or the possibilities. The focus is always on moving forward, but enjoying each moment. These are some of the things I’ve been doing to help battle Covid depression.

My Sanctuary

1 Think outside the box – the one you are living in, and the one that’s in your head. Plain English? Get the F outside! Go for a walk, take your dog out; just get outside. Being outside can make you happier in under 30 minutes. It will help you sleep better, it can lower your blood pressure, and improve memory. It’s biggest advantage; it helps fight depression. It’s when I’m outside and listening to the birds and squirrels that I find myself smiling he most lately. I take my dog outside and throw him the ball. We spend a lot of time together. If you have a dog or a cat, you’re already ahead of the game.

Achilles and Presley
BFF’s for life

2 Cut negative people out of your life – this may sound harsh but it’s an essential step to regaining or retaining peace of mind. It doesn’t mean you don’t care for or love the individual you don’t make time for, it just means you love yourself more. Our own peace of mind right now is more important than ever.

It’s okay to say no and to create distance
Photo by Alin Popa on Pexels.com

3 Stay Connected – It seemed like just yesterday everyone was complaining about social medial and how we all spend too much time investing in it. Right now it is a crucial tool to connections with friends and loved ones. It’s not the same, but it’s the best we can do for now.

My “visits” with Presley Covid-style

4 Stay Informed – This is a crucial step. I’m not talking cruising YouTube for the latest conspiracy theory. I’m talking reading up and listening to what our experts are telling us to do. This is everything from staying home as much as possible, to using sanitizer, to social distancing when out and about. Respect this knowledge and these rules and we will persevere.

Stay informed by trusted sources.
Photo by ready made on Pexels.com

5 Be Grateful – What is brought to us we must deal with. This is life. A positive mind-set helps to look for opportunities for learning or for growth. Sometimes our best lessons have been the most painful. We all deal with trauma differently. We all deal with stress differently. We all deal with a crisis differently. It’s how we respond, to ourselves and to the world, that will make all the difference in how happy you can be.

Confident

6 Be Real – This almost seems counterproductive to trying to have a positive mind set. The thing is, it’s important to acknowledge and process what we are feeling. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be disappointed. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to feel betrayed. It’s okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. I guarantee you that you are not alone. All of us struggle with pain and insecurity. Living your truth, and being your authentic self, will release you from the many expectations that have been thrust upon you, by yourself and by others.

Days after the lowest point in my life and I still found a reason to smile. I was outside by the river.

7 Stay busy – It’s a great time and great weather for spring cleaning. I Marie Kondo’d everything I possible could over the past couple weeks being at home. I’ve taken on some small, and not-so-small projects at home to keep me busy and occupied. Each task I accomplish gives me a sense of satisfaction and another thing to knock of the never ending to-do-list.The important thing is to keep cultivating our relationships, with our friends and with our loved ones. It’s our connections that keep us motivated and keep on holding on to hope for better times ahead.

Dakota and Presly – A single Dad’s life

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Again, I Rise


I woke up this morning and as usual lately, went right for my phone and checked out my FB news feed. I keep looking for inspiration, for answers, for unity, for signs of courage, and for hope. There is a lot there, god love ya’ll for trying so hard. It’s important. Social media is a main way for us to all stay connected to each other right now. Among all the positive posts, are the real ones. I read this morning, my lifetime neighbour, whom I watched grow up into a beautiful and sensitive young woman, just find out she has breast cancer. She just lost her mother, who was still my neighbour, last year. This is heart-wrenching news for her and her family and friends. Another friend, who is a selfie queen, just posted a selfie for the first time in almost 2 weeks. She hasn’t been dealing well with the isolation, something many of us also struggle with. She finally felt strong enough to post one. One of these issues is physical, the other is a mental health issue. One is no less serious than the other. While it might seem to some that not feeling like posting a selfie is probably a good thing, what you fail to understand, are the underlying reasons behind WHY this woman didn’t feel like taking a selfie. We all face adversity and trauma in different ways. We are social beings, we rely on it, and we need each other to survive. Being forced into isolation can certainly cause a situational depression. I have no idea if this woman had any previous mental health issues, but not having the wherewithal or the gumption to do the things you would normally do is depressing. The situation we all find ourselves in right now, is depressing. It’s tough. It doesn’st mean everyone is clinically depressed and should seek treatment, but traumatic events can certainly cause a chemical imbalance in the brain causing severe depression and/or anxiety; depending on the severity of the trauma, even PTSD. Make no mistake, these mental illnesses can kill you. They are as legitimate as a heart attack or having diabetes. Nobody chooses mental illness, in fact, I’d bet most of us would give our right arm to be rid of it. One thing I do know for a fact is, depression can be beaten. I’ve done it. I had severe depression all of 2019, literally, from January until December. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, there were very good reasons for the decline in my mental health. Loss of a job, then loss of support, isolation and and being ostracized by certain people in an association, who knew either nothing about mental illness, or didn’t care that their actions or in actions could cause more harm to someone they knew to be severely struggling, helped plummet me to rock bottom in depression. If mental health help and awareness had been recognized and available, I might have been able to avoid the inevitable crash landing. For whatever reason, things happened the way they did. I’ve come out the other side much stronger, and more resilient. I’ve become less trusting in some ways and more trusting in others. I’ve become more fiercely determined, a trait I’m happy to have, but I’ve also developed more sensitivity, which I’m not thrilled about. I’m a tough woman. Everyone knows that. It’s been my reputation for my whole life. I hardly ever cried. Now I cry easily and it pisses me off. I think I held back tears so long, and now that the pressure cooker has blown it’s lid, I’m destined to get teary-eyed sometimes. I’d caution anyone who thinks that that is a weakness. It’s exactly the opposite. if it comes to the point where I cry, there is a storm brewing inside me that is trying to escape. I am a passionate woman. I do express my feelings, whatever they are. I do communicate exactly what I think, in no uncertain terms. I am a lot. I talk a lot. I get angry at lot at injustice. I am, to quote Gina Hatzis, “Too Much Woman”. Too loud, too aggressive, too outspoken, too bold, just too much. Like Gina, I won’t be shamed, I won’t be silenced, I won’t be cast aside, and I won’t have my hand tied behind my back (unless I want them to be).

The fact is, when any woman acts different from how she is expected to act, whether is be socially or culturally, she is challenged. She is challenged by men who do not know how to handle a strong, intelligent, confidant woman. If you are an attractive woman, the problem goes much deeper. Men have all the positions of power that they have because patriarchy has afforded men to be powerful, just by the advantages in the system itself, and by them having a penis. Many powerful men do not know how to handle an attractive, powerful female. It threatens them. They are uncomfortable with the balance of power. The dynamic scares them, they are unaccustomed to it. The reason why? The #metoo movement. Men, who may have crossed boundaries with women in the workplace in the past, are now scared to death to have anything misconstrued as a sexual harassment. Even men who may not have intentionally crossed boundaries are scared. This is much more prevalent in some institutions more so than others, but it’s especially prevalent in male dominated fields, where I have the pleasure of working on two separate occasions. I can tell because I can see the discomfort. I can tell by how careful men are by what they say, and how quickly they correct a potential faux pas. I can tell by the way they look at me, and then quickly look down at the floor. Women can just tell. We are used to it. We see it all the time. We’ve been dealing with it all of our lives. Most of us are not worried about the small trivial things I assure you. We are concerned with the things that hold us back, and we are concerned with being treated unfairly because of our gender. We want our place at the table and were getting it, so get used to setting a place for us. Sure, we’ve made our gains, and we have broken into power positions but we are still desperately outnumbered by men. Women have come into our time. Our power is just a breath away, it won’t come to you, reach out and grab it with me!

“When you see the eyes lined with fire, of all the women ready to push you aside, you will know we are here”

Jen Smith the WordSmith

Thanks so much to all of you who continue to support me and who follow my blog. Much love, Jen

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Down But Not Out

Still in the Game

I had a really big blow. Big. Life-changing big. Painful big. Unexpected but somehow I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised. My instincts were right on the money I must say. My gut was telling me something but I wasn’t listening. I was processing in my mind what was not being said, but ever the optimist, I pushed it aside. Somehow I knew deep inside the blow was coming because my anxiety kicked into high gear, and my Doctor decided to up my anti-depressant. Good thing. My head just took too long to catch up with what my gut was already telling me. Nothing is normal. Nothing is as it should be. I just had a friend ask me, “how long do you think this “covid thing” is going to last.? I regurgitate the usual response I hear, “months probably, maybe longer. It could be a year or longer before we get back to normal; if we get back to normal.” Then it dawned on me, maybe this is our new normal? That is a depressing thought so I shove it down without flaming that fire. The “kick in the teeth” I just received made my defense mechanisms kick in. I am by myself in this world. No one looks out for me but me. I’m single – long time single. My parents and one of my brothers are ill. My brother is very ill, so all energy is focused towards helping him for some time now as he goes for dialysis three times a week in Saint John. My other brother and I live close to each other but we are worlds apart. Religion divides us, and patriarchy. My kids both live in other cities. My daughter lives in another province. I try not to bother them with my problems, they have enough. We all do right now. It’s not like I can go to the friends that I do have for support that I really need right now. I have to be alone, as does everyone else. I got angry, I lashed out, and then hurt set in. Well, the hurt was obviously there first but I like to convert it to anger, it seems easier to deal with initially. I do not recommend that process, it’s just the way I operate. It’s the way I’ve always been. I’ve had to stick up for myself, nobody else is going to do it. I know a sham when I see one. I know when I’m being fed a story. I’m able to read between the lines,and I pay attention to subtleties some others don’t notice. Communications is my gift, not just a job. So, in the face of adversity, I’m again calling on myself to look for the good. To see beyond the hurt and invite opportunity. I’m so thankful for technology right now, because the only thing that is getting me through this, is the ability to FaceTime and stay virtually connected. It’s not enough, but it will have to do for now. I know I am not alone. We are all facing adversity right now. All we can do is give it our best each day. Some days, we don’t have our best to give, but we keep trying. We keep holding on. We keep listening. We keeping reaching out. We keep holding on to the simple things in life that we often take for granted. A lesson I learned from my special Aunt Cyn. Her simple way of thinking and living would be the greatest lesson for any one during this difficult time. I’m grateful I had her in my life for as long as I did.

Cyn taught me to enjoy the simple things in life.

Tie a Knot and Hold On

I am always open about mental illness because I know that keeping it a secret only breeds shame. It has been used against me, a couple of different times. The people who feign support for mental illness and act or do things in a way that is contradictory of being supportive are dangerous people. People are dying because of COVID 19. The virus has taken their lives. There are definitely more to come. This pandemic is also going to take lives of people who never had the physical virus in the first place. This social isolation is horrible for anyone, but it is especially terrible for those who are struggling everyday, just trying to hold on to a reason to live. We are going to lose more people to suicide, it’s inevitable. The resources just are not there to help everyone, and the physical distancing is wreaking havoc on those who depend on face-to-face therapy and the physical contact with others to keep them here, living and holding onto hope. All I can say to anyone who is feeling this way, is just keep holding on. Better days are coming. Better weather is coming. Better opportunities are coming. Bad days and bad times never last for long. We will persevere. Hold on to hope and don’t give in to the fear.

Photo by Immortal shots on Pexels.com

Back on the Tracks Again

I had a really scary ride last year with a major depression. When it hit me, it felt like a brick in the face. Logically, I knew something was going on, but losing control of my ability to control my emotions and my thoughts, (the effects of depression) left me in a constant state of having my mind spinning around all the time. I couldn’t focus easily. I needed help. My ride ended with my train going right of the rails and into a full-blown train wreck. Luckily I survived, and I am still here for a reason. I recovered. I got help. I got medication. I got therapy. The combination of these things saved my life. Thankfully, I’m in a good place. I felt the claws of depression, brought on by anxiety about work, trying to dig into me. I felt my anxiety increasing, so I called my doctor right away. Despite the rather horrible news I was recently given, I still feel hopeful. I still feel like somehow things will work out for me. They always do, I make sure of it. Isolation will take it’s toll on me sometimes, but it will not get the best of me. Nothing and nobody will, I make sure of it. Peace and love my friends. Stay connected, stay safe, and stay home. Thanks for your continued support. If anyone has any thoughts to share, please feel free to do so, and leave a comment.

Winning
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COVID 19 Isolation Is Tough – But So Am I

“I may not be a lion, but I am a lion’s cub and I have a lion’s heart”
– Queen Elizabeth 1

While it seems everyone else is counting the days that they have been in quarantine or in isolation, I, on the other hand, just let them pass by. I’m not keeping track. I’m just keeping busy. I’m not fixated on stats or numbers. I’m just living my life as simply as I can, filling my days by keeping in touch with family and friends, and writing. Writing is the only way that I feel I can stay in touch with where I’m at in my head and heart and it’s how I communicate what I’m feeling or what I’m going though. Throughout the process of writing, things are usually revealed to me. There is an astonishing connection between the mind and the “pen”, nowadays, a keyboard. My writing is a powerful tool that I usually put to good use. It helped me through my major depression last year. It connected me with other survivors of sexual abuse. It brought friends and allies to me, that I would have never considered, both men and women. My writing has been used to blow people up. It’s been used to hold people accountable, even myself. It’s an outlet. It’s a vibe. It’s a way of life for me. I found my tribe because of my writing. I found my tribe of females who have been though similar experiences, or those who just want to feel the connection of other women with a similar agenda. My writing has diversified my friendships. It has brought other women from other countries, religions, lifestyles, and cultures into my life. These minority women have taught me a great deal about my own privileged life, and about the additional barriers they face, in addition to being female. My writing has been my way out of isolation, and it will be again. There is nothing that can connect humans any better than feelings. We all have them. Sometimes we don’t know we are feeling an emotion until we read something that resonates and then we know; we know instinctively that we are never alone in our thoughts and our feelings. Whatever we are going through, someone else is too. You are not alone!

Jen Smith
Independent Candidate New Maryland-Sunbury

T

The Lighter Side of COVID 19 Life

It’s always nice to get a vacation from work, but this open-ended vacation was not what I had in mind, although It’s likely a good thing I don’t have to work right now because my attire has been bouncing between jogging pants, and leggings. My hair is out of control, my natural blonde and grey are in a battle against the dyed black hair, and they are winning. My hair fashion choices have been a bun or a ponytail. My eyebrows look like caterpillars; actually it looks like one caterpillar ate it’s sibling in a Darwinian-like fight for survival. I am so jealous of people who can do their own browns. I can’t nor should I ever try. I’m used to upkeep. Now I have to go and cut my own bangs just to hide my hideous eyebrows. Things could be worse I guess. COVID19 has also forced me to take a look at all the clutter around me. I Marie Kondo’d everything I could during the last how-ever-many-days-its-been. Thank god for my dog and my cat. They are by bff’s . I’m equally thankful to live in the country in an isolated spot. I only have a couple of neighbours that I never see. I like it that way. I like the privacy. I especially like it now that we are in a forced isolation. I have endless acres to explore with my dog, and my cat. Bear follows Achilles and me wherever we go on the property. I’m also glad I am single. It seems isolating with families with nowhere to go and little to do can be quite trying, according to all the fb posts I’m reading. Besides the lack of sex, thanks to COVID 19, being single is great. I have nobody to get on my nerves, besides myself. Maybe I’m getting on my dog’s nerves, who knows? I guess that’s our little secret. I’m just thankful to be getting all the puppy hugs and love that I am getting for now. Considering the circumstances, life is pretty good.

Nothing Beats the Country Life

The Serious Side of COVID 19 Life

I am always going to find a lighter way of looking at things. I am the person who laughs at inappropriate moments. It’s a nervous laugh, and I really can’t help it. The more I try to control it, the harder I usually laugh. COVID 19 is no laughing matter. People are scared. People are sick. People are dying. That doesn’t mean we lose our heads. We need to keep things in perspective. We need to listen to our public health authorities. They know about what they are speaking. I keep hearing people say, “I feel fine”. Yes, moron, you may feel aces, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the virus. If you are carrying it and because you feel fine, and you go out about life like it’s normal, visiting and not listening, you’re a jerk. Stay home as much as possible. If you have to go out, keep your distance from people. Wash your hands all the time, and for god’s sake, don’t touch your face! The longer we don’t listen, the longer this will last, and the more people will get sick and potentially die. Just follow the advice of the experts, not Joe blow down the street who’s giving you the latest YouTube conspiracy theory. Fact check with known, approved sources. Stay safe and stay well my friends. We are going to get though this together. Much love to you all. Thanks for your continued support. – Jen

“When you see the eyes lined with fire, of all the women ready to push you aside, you will know we are here”

Jen Smith the WordSmith
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Hope in the Face of Adversity – COVID 19 Pandemic – New Brunswick

I Survived 2019 – I’ll Survive the COVID 19 Crisis

When this story first broke, our immediate futures still seemed so bright and positive. Although there were Canadians affected, it was on the other side of the world. Even I wasn’t really worried in the beginning; I should’ve known better. I, like the rest of us, assumed our health authorities and our elected officials were going to take every precaution to protect our province and our public health. This situation brings to mind Education Minister, Dominic Cardy’s, vaccination bill. Our admin, Courtney L.Smith, a medicinal chemist and a 3rd year PhD pharmacology candidate at McGill University, wrote an open letter, not so long ago, to our MLA’s, providing fact-based, verifiable, scientific information, with references provided. We pleaded with them to listen to the expertise of the scientists, and the reliability of the research, rather than the understandably, gut-wrenching, anecdotal, stories of parents’ of children with an unexplained illness. One of the questions I specifically asked our elected MLA’s in that open letter was, “is it going to take a epidemic of mass proportions to get you to reaffirm you belief in hard science?”

Do You Science? Our Co- Founder, Courtney L. Smith Does!

Funny enough, that’s exactly what it took for our party leaders to work together for the welfare of our people. They are finally listening to the public health experts. It took COVID 19 to open their eyes. I hope they remain open as we face these uncertain times, and that they keep putting their party and personal agendas by the wayside when it comes to the safety and well-being of our public health. Listen to the experts. As it turns out, our future is uncertain. It always was. None of us know when we are going to “bite it”. COVID 19 is like a lottery, and I’m not a gambler. I just batted my own mind last year and won, so I like my chances, no mater what happens, I’m going to make it.

Go Ahead and Try to Wrestle my Power.

Hope is Always Stronger than Fear

I love seeing my fb friends posting positive and funny memes. We need the laughs, at least I know I do. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t getting to me. My naturally optimistic personality is being challenged by “what if”, and the “what am I going to do?”. I’m trying to let go of it and just live in the moment, the thing is, this is easier said than done sometimes. The bomb I’ve been waiting for since this virus hit New Brunswick, dropped today. I got sent home from work. I knew it was coming. I thought I was mentally prepared, but I found myself unable to control my emotions today. It got to me. COVID 19 didn’t get me, but the far-reaching ramifications of it did. The isolation from friends and family sucks, that’s all there is to it. Not being able to work, for an undetermined time, is very anxiety-provoking. Worrying about money is stressful. Worrying about how I’ll make ends meet is stressful. Worrying about how I will help my daughter, now stuck in Montreal is stressful. Worrying about my son, who is a single father to my granddaughter, living alone in a another city, is stressful. Life is not normal right now. It’s not fun. It’s not a comfortable feeling; something feels just off-kilter. I know I am not alone in my feelings. Sometimes I feel like we are in the eye of the storm and the worst is yet to come, but I truly believe if we follow what we are advised to do by the experts, we will persevere. We won’t only persevere, we will come out the other side much stronger. What I’m trying to say is, don’t be fooled by the either the humdrum or the constant barrage of positive posts you see constantly on fb. All these people have weak moments too, believe me. We all do…every single one of us. You are not alone. It’s better to spread love and hope than hate and fear. We are all trying our very best to survive, thriving will come soon enough. I chose to hold on to the positive. Now is the time to be strong, for myself and for others. I have my weak moments too, but I always bounce back. We can choose to be positive, we can choose to be kind. We can choose to think of others less fortunate. We can choose to do better.

Three of our Co-founders of The Truth Movement NB
Jen, Courtney, Marylee

I have been very open about my struggles with depression last year, for a couple of different reasons: 1. I’ve lost count of the people (men and women) who have reached out to me because they felt hopeful or inspired by my story. 2. I will hold accountable, the individuals who helped harm me, to ensure it never happens to another person ever again. 3. Keeping my struggles a secret only helps perpetuate the shame and stigma associated with mental illness. I refuse to be a part of that. I refuse to feel the shame. I refuse to feel less-than, which incidentally, a politician recently tried hard to make me feel. I own this! I am this! I kick the shit out of mental illness because I use the resources and tools provided to me by health professionals. My mind is vigilant, and very attuned to any similarities, feelings, or thoughts that might lead me down a road I never want to travel again. Since this virus has upset, not just my world, but the world around me, I found myself having to push out thoughts that weren’t conducive to my recovery. I also found myself wanting to pull back from everyone and everything. Now, most of you would say, that’s just what we need to do right now, and I agree. For me, that can be a slippery slope of isolation, and not the healthy kind. l pulled myself back in. I called my Dr and she subsequently decided to increase the dose of my antidepressant. Even though I didn’t feel like it, I called my loved ones. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to them, it’s that I felt the hook trying to bring me down. I will not withdraw into myself again. I didn’t. I fought it, and took the necessary steps to regain track of what I am meant to do, and where I am meant to be.

As I had briefly mentioned above, I had a conversation with a politician recently. It was a private conversation. We disagreed about something, no biggie. I made a comment, that I absolutely feel, by the literal definition, to be one hundred percent truth. I didn’t mean it offensively, I just meant it as a point of fact, which it is. I would not be afraid to divulge the entire conversation, but I have a feeling this individual would prefer it remain between us. I have two reasons for bringing this up. 1. It’s important for me to be upfront and honest all the time. I don’t hide what I say, or what I’ve ever said. I don’t have to put on airs or pretend to be somebody I’m not. I don’t have to impress anybody. I am blunt and straightforward always. I act the same way with everyone I meet and everyone I talk to. 2. This politician used very cruel words to try to make me feel bad about myself. They used the words, “Frig you”, “People a lot better than you”, “stupidity like yours”, “Frig you” x2, and “you have a lot of jealousy and bitterness”. These words don’t even remotely hurt my feelings, but they were meant to. I assure you, that most of you would be shocked to know who this person is. Some of you wouldn’t be. This individual seemed to be taken back by the fact that I “dared question them or that I dared to speak my truth to them”. I think a lot, if not most, of our politicians are that way; they plaster on a smile and say all the right things when they are out in public and in the media. Get them back in the vehicles, or behind closed doors, or in a private conversation, and this is where you are going to see the real person, hiding behind the persona of a nice politician. If this individual, or any other politician, or political operative, needs to be reminded who I am; I’m Jen Fucking Smith, and don’t ever forget it. Peace and love to all. Stay safe my friends.

Friendly but Fierce

“When you see the eyes lined with fire, of all the women ready to push you aside, you will know we are here.”

Jen Smith The WordSmith
Breaking Barriers, Dealing With Mental Illness, featured content, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Political Hunger Games, Politics, Pressing the Hot Button, Thoughts to Ponder, Women's Issues

COVID – 19, No Contact = No Fun

Some may find my attitude a little flippant, but if there’s one thing I like to do, it’s speak bluntly. Social isolation is about as bad as it could be for someone who relies on social contact for sexual encounters. Everybody in relationships are isolating together, so much so, that I’ve been hearing people joking about a baby boom in 9 months. I predict the same, or a hella lot more divorces. Time will tell. Well, a few weeks ago, Jen here was all ready to get my groove on and have some fun, or weekend sexcapades, as I like to call them. Mother nature had different plans for me; she got me really sick, with pneumonia as an added measure to keep me down and quiet. So quiet I stayed, at home and rested as much as possible, alone. I kept my plans to travel to Montreal to see my daughter, a PhD candidate at McGill. When I left Montreal, I was feeling like I was back to my pre-sick self, so when I returned home to New Brunswick, I was ready to let loose again. Surprise!!! Nope. Mother nature thwarted me yet again by interrupting my plans with an unexpected shark week. So, taking my cue from nature, I again took it easy for another week, eagerly anticipating my return to “normal life”. This was not to be because in the cruelest twist of fate, or one f’d up sense of humour by good ol’ mama nature, she unleashed a corona virus, COVID 19, which in effect, has again circumvented my efforts to have some fun. I don’t know what kind of a sick sense of humor mother nature has, but right now I’m not very appreciative of it; then again, maybe this is her way of protecting me from catching the virus, who knows. The point is, as much as it sucks, and it does suck, I am paying attention and I am listening to the experts. This virus is nothing to fool around with. We need to take this seriously. I am taking this seriously. I am not having any fun. Zero fun. I’ll live. We need the rest of ya’ll to take this seriously too.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

What I realize, which a lot of politicians and some elite do not, is that so many people in New Brunswick have a hard time making ends meet. Many don’t have supplies stockpiled for two days, never mind two weeks. It’s easy for those who have everything they need, with lots of money, and resources to make sure they and their friends and families are okay, but there are too many Nber’s who are struggling. We need to keep reminding our politicians and our elite, that we are the poorest province in Canada. Many of our people are not doing well. They already have food insecurities, and the greediness of some people buying up everything they can, adds more needless anxiety to those who are poor or for those who are waiting to get paid. If you have weeks worth of supplies to carry you through, that’s great. I’m happy for you. Just get off your well-stocked, high horse towards others who do not have the luxury or the financial capabilities to take care of themselves the way the elite suggests. “Just isolate”, “get what you need ahead of time and stay home”, “don’t go to work, are you crazy”, or one of the best ones I’ve heard yet is, ” there’s no reason why everyone shouldn’t have 3 weeks worth of supplies built up in case of emergency”. I’ve heard these things from people in whom I have great respect. They don’t mean any harm. They just don’t recognize their own privileged position in life. What I find disappointing about it is, just how out of touch these people are with just how poor a lot of our people are. They are out of touch with the fact that people choose food over medications they need to take; sometimes that is life-saving medication. I started writing this blog post with a little lightheartedness because I think it’s important we keep our senses of humour, and god knows we could all use a break from the ominous seriousness that is COVID 19.

JEN SMITH
A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH
INDEPENDENT CANDIDATE – NMS Riding

The long and short of it is, we are going to be okay. We will come together in spirit, rather than in person, and collectively knock the hell out of COVID 19. If there’s one thing NBer’s are known for, it’s being a strong and resilient bunch. We will see this through. Though this is a very anxiety-provoking situation we find ourselves in, we can alleviate these feelings by staying in touch with our support systems via social media or other mediums that don’t require close physical contact. Share the negative or depressing feelings with those in whom you feel safe and are able to trust. Don’t bottle things up. If you need help, ask for it. It’s when everything seems like it’s going wrong, that you may feel like you are coming to the end of your rope. if this happens, tie a knot and hold on for dear life. This will not last forever, and neither will your bad feelings or your bad day. Hang in there folks. This will all be over before we know it, and we will, I hope, have learned some valuable lessons. See ya’ll after isolation ends. Jen Smith

Breaking Barriers, featured content, Political Hunger Games, Politics, Pressing the Hot Button

My Run For Political Office – New Maryland Sunbury

Jen Smith New Maryland Sunbury

I am formally announcing my intention to run for MLA, in the New Maryland Sunbury Riding, as a Registered Independent Candidate, in the next Provincial election, whenever that date is determined in the not-so-distant future.

I have had extensive experience volunteering for a political party for a number of years, and I have gained much needed knowledge of how our political system works, and how by design, the odds are clearly and blatantly stacked in favour of our two main provincial political parties.

I was born in Oromocto, and have lived in Geary for most of my life, surrounded by many of my family members. I work as a Human Resources Administrator at the Canadian Forces School of Military Engineering. My daughter is a PhD candidate at McGill University, and my son is a single father of a little girl and also works full-time for Xerox in Saint John.

I will delve into deeper issues for which I stand in the near future. For now I will say this much; I am an intelligent, articulate, empathetic person, but I am also very well-known for being a fierce and formidable opponent. One thing I, and the multitude of people I have had conversations with in our riding, know with absolute certainty is, we need a voice. We need a strong voice. We need someone who will fight for the people who have been forgotten. We need someone who can speak freely, without having to tow a party line. We need someone in the New Maryland Sunbury Riding, who will fight for our needs, and for our best interests, not for what’s in the best interest for the governing party of the day. That someone is me.

Today is International Women’s Day. I am extremely proud to announce my political aspirations, on a feminist site, and share it to a movement that is based on absolute truth and accountability, founded by women, but supported by many; on a day devoted to celebrating women and all of our accomplishments. This is an amazingly powerful feeling. Thank you to every woman who fought for our rights, and made it possible for me to undertake this ambitious endeavor. Thank you.

There is another thing that I am well-know for; that is being a relentless debater and fighter for what I believe in. I protect those I care about. I protect my own. I will protect and defend my riding and my community like they are my own. I protect my people. Ya’ll are my people. Welcome to the fold.

Jen Smith – New Maryland Sunbury Independent Candidate

Breaking Barriers, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Political Hunger Games

I am Woman, Hear me Roar

Independent

Guess who’s back? Like Eminem, when he announced his return to the music world, so will I announce the same to my ridiculously smaller, but no less faithful audience. I had to take a three month “hiatus”. I’m not sure that’s the proper word to describe my break from writing. It seems like a more fitting analogy would be something to the effect of “my train went completely off the rails”, and I had to get it back on track. Mental illness is a curious thing. I tried to put the brakes on depression all last year. Somehow I thought I could control it. I am smart aren’t I? I mean I know about this stuff don’t I? I majored in sociology. I took social psychology. I had plenty of counselling over the years. I thought the answers I already had in my head could help me. The one snag I didn’t consider was that I did not have control of my brain. I thought I did. I did not. I couldn’t stop my mind from spinning a million miles an hour, around and around. My already analytical mind was in hyper drive trying to keep up. My spiral to rock bottom was a sure thing. I was the only one who couldn’t see it coming until I crash landed. Nearly dying can profusely and profoundly change ones perspective. I am no different. My near death experience taught me many things: Be grateful for what I have. first and foremost, my life. I am still here for my kids and for my granddaughter. in the worst grips of depression I thought that they would be be better off without me. Even I can hardly fathom that right now. It’s like it was another person; technically it was. I don’t recognize that woman anymore.

My granddaughter

Another important lesson I learned is to really look at the people around me, and see who really cared if I lived or died. It was admittedly humbling to realize the few people who were left standing by my side. These saints of human beings cared if I lived. They wanted me to. They saw me for who I really was. They cared enough to just listen. They didn’t judge. They stayed calm, even when I wasn’t. They talked calmly to me. They reassured me. They gave me a safe space to heal. They gave me permission to just be myself. They didn’t judge me when I shared the most heart-wrenching feelings with them. Some of them cried with me. Some of them saved me from myself. I’m grateful for everyone of them. I see these people and I will never forget them. They are in my heart forever. I also see those who harmed me. I see those who relish still, in the plummet I took into a desperately dangerous depression. I saw them crowding me, figuratively speaking, pressuring me to bend to their will, isolating me, removing my support. I saw them be terrible human beings completely lacking in empathy and education about mental illness. I know who the people are, who didn’t care if I lived or died. I see you. I will always see you. I see you for what you are, not what you pretend to be in front of others. I know what you are. We don’t need to pretend with each other. You’re only fooling yourselves. I am not fooled. I know. I see you.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What Being a Woman Means to Me.

With International Women’s Day swiftly approaching I started thinking of what a woman is, besides the obvious. The definition of a woman means many things to many different people, and that’s okay. The fact of the matter is, women can be whatever they want. We have been pressured for so many years, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to dress a certain way, to think a certain way, to work a certain way, to respond a certain way, to react a certain way, to raise children a certain way, to please our men a certain way, and to have sex a certain way. “Act like a lady” is something I heard whenever I misbehaved in front of my paternal grandmother, our family matriarch of many years. I didn’t even cover all of the bases. A real and very raw viral video featuring Cynthia Nixon reciting the “Be a lady they said” piece drew love and acknowledgement from practically every woman in North America. It resonated with so many of us for a good reason. It was bathed in absolute truths. Beautiful truths. Painful truths. Common truths. Unknown truths. Unacknowledged truths. It hit us at our very core, at least, I know it did for me. I thought I was living unapologetic in every area of my life. Anyone who knows me, or who has spent five minutes around me, knows intimately that I am a very blunt, straight forward, and very candid woman. I don’t mince words, and I get straight to the point. There’s nothing I haven’t talked about or admitted in my blogs or in my conversations with those who know me. Honestly, I have been mostly upfront about myself, except for one area. Sex. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. Some of you might be singing those song lyrics in your head about now. The rest of you, I don’t know what to say, google it. Women are shamed for wanting sex. We are shamed for enjoying sex. Oh, it’s all fine if you’re married or in a long-term relationship, but if you are a single woman, it’s just not lady-like to go after sex; never mind having frequent, casual sexual encounters. There are plenty of creative names for women like me: slut, whore, man-eater. I could go on, but I think I’ve more than made my point. This is the final area of my life that I have not put on full display for one main reason. Society has told me and every other woman that is shameful for us to want to have sex, other than for reproductive purposes. Considering I’m in my 40’s, having sex for reproductive purposes are quite frankly not on the menu for me. So what is a girl to do, when she doesn’t want kids, but is single and in her sexual prime? There are a few options. I’ve tried the dating sites, but ending up with a psycho stalker is a roll of the dice. The few times I’ve tried it, it didn’t work out so well. I did end up meeting a couple folks who showed me a really good time. Wink wink. I have also had a terrible experience with someone whom I had met on a dating site. Didn’t work out so well for me that night. A hard lesson, very well learned. Hooking up with friends and such, is not really a good idea either. It’s hard to find someone who just wants to have sex, with no strings attached. Actually, I should correct myself. It’s hard to find a not-married someone who just wants to have sex, with no strings attached. My best option, usually ends up going to a bar, and picking up some unsuspecting individual, who in all likelihood, thought they were going to have to try a little harder for it, and not have it hit them straight in the face, so to speak. Surprise! Sex can be very empowering. It holds its own power. As a woman, I’ve learned to harness that power and to enjoy it. I allow myself to just be free. I don’t care what people think. I don’t care what people say. I live for myself, and to have fun while I still can. I am a fiery, passionate person, in every aspect of my life. I am not ashamed. I am powerful, and I know it. Not unlike a lot of men, women can also be overwhelmed by their own sexuality and it can run us into some unforeseen situations. We can also think with out wrong body part. I’ve been caught devouring someone with my eyes, someone whom I would have preferred not to have been caught by, luckily, I am able to laugh about it now, and can look this person in the eyes again. When our eyes locked, I immediately felt shame for being a sexual human being, and most especially because I am a woman, and society expects us not to feel those things, never mind think them. I am not ashamed. I’m okay with it. I’m more than okay with it. I enjoy myself immensely. Isn’t that what life is all about? The long and short of it is, do whatever makes you happy. Women should all stand up for each other, that also includes trans women. If we can’t support all women, we truly don’t support women. It’s okay to just be you. Be fancy, be frilly, be smart, be tough, be powerful, be sexy, be inquisitive, be weird, be reserved, but just be you! That’s what being a woman is in a nutshell; whatever the fuck she wants to be. That’s what I’ll be celebrating on International Women’s Day; the freedom to just be me, with no fucking apologies to anyone.

Women's Issues

Kill(her?) Confidence

Confidence builds as we grow and learn new things.

No one is born with confidence. It’s something that’s developped over time, with age and learned knowledge. It means believing in yourself, in your talents and abilities. It’s having a skill-set, and the wherewithal to apply it in everyday life. Unfortunately, confidence seems to be ever-elusive for too many women. Media, especially in western society, has dictitated the stereotypical notion of what a confident woman shoud look like; from hair length, style, cut, and colour, to what colour and how much make-up to wear, to what is considered a desirable height and weight, to how much muscle is too much to be still considered feminine. Then there’s the fake eyelashes, eyebrows, lips, eyecolour, haircolour, breast size, butt size, waist size, skin colour, and so on. The beauty industry has an eternal grip on the well-being of women. This industry has in recent years branched out; it has targeted the previously unknown and untapped revenue stream from the insecurity of men, with skin care and hair care regimens. As a lot of us have discovered as we age, physical beauty is a fleeting thing. In my youth, like a lot of young women, I relied heavily on my appearance and tied it directly to my self-worth. Fortunately, I was also an athlete, so I was able to build more confidence and self-esteem by competing fairly and squarely. Each win inspired a competative drive to want to win more. Each stinging loss taught me the value of needing more practice, finding the determination to work harder, swearing to myself to be more perseverant, and most imortantly, the ability to visualize that win. There are many factors that come into play for each individual when it comes to self-confidence. Education, a good support system, a balanced work-home life, good friends, good health, and financial security are just a few things that come to mind as traditional “recipies” to follow in order to have a fullfilling life. But what about the unkempt middle-aged guy who labours hard all day, has a big-beer-belly, sports the swagger of a MMA fighter, and has no problem approaching a woman that others might view as being beneath him? Where does his killer confidence come ? Why can’t a woman with a baby belly feel as confient? What is the dividing line? Why do men get more distinguished with wrinkles, age, and grey hair? Why is the same thing for women considered unbecoming? Why is is okay for men to be open and honest about sex and sexuality, but for women, it’s frowned upon, undignified even? The answers to these questions are going to vary from individual to individual because we don’t all value the same things. If we were luckly enough, and I was, we had parents who instilled the values we hold true to ourselves today. Of course, times change, but traditional values like honesty, dependability, and integrity, have not changed with time. They remain steadfast in many of us today.

Strong Woman

I have found it especially difficult in certain situations, to remain true to myself and my beliefs. Not that I find being honest and forthright difficult, far from it, but it’s the inevitable conflict that arises when dealing with individuals who like to blur the lines between what is right and what is wrong. A friend of mind, a medical Dr., recently recounted to me, “in order to be successful in politics, you need to be okay with getting into bed with some bad men.” (side note: her statement also reflects the dismal fact that men still dominate most aspects of the political arena) Almost sounds fun, but it’s not. I’ve dealt with these people. I’m sure I’ll be dealing with them again, but from now on the blinders will be off, along with the rose-coloured glasses. I haven’t lost my voice, I’ve been channeling my efforts into healing myself and learning. I’m always learning. I’ve learned some valuable lessons over the past six months. I do not let any lesson go to waste; these lessons will be incorporated into my interactions whenever I’m dealing with ANYONE involved in politics.

Soul Sisters

I am fortunate enough to say that I have killer confidence. I own my flaws and my faults, I own my analytical and strategic abilities, I own my frustrations and anger, I own my beauty and my sensuality, I own my good communications skills and my strong work ethic. Like the plethora of women now shouting out all over the world, I too will be heard. I thought I belong to a group that embraced diversity, and promoted inclusion, but I was proven sadly wrong from too many individuals that held executive positions, so I now know better. I could have belonged; I did belong, as long as I towed the line, and didn’t offer up any other opinion. In other words, just sit there and look pretty, but don’t question. Just nod your head in agreement or prepare for a barage of subtle but very incidious ways and means that will be used to drive you out. They aren’t monsters though, don’t get me wrong, they will give you a chance to mend your ways, by sending some trusty delegates to “have a talk with you”, under the guise of being your friend; or they may have different delegates send you messages or call you. The long and short of it is, belonging to something means having a seat at the table and having your voice be heard, and not just heard, listened to. My voice was stomped on, discouraged, met with scowls, laughter, and judgement; in spite of this, I did use my voice, loudly and often. This is why I’m no longer affiliated with that association. They leaned on me, and leaned on me, knowing I was in a very anxious, upset state, fighting off a serious depression. I fought them off for 6 long months all by myself. They tried to kill my confidence, but they only temporarily succeeded. I dusted off my knees and bounced right back. I am just one woman with a torch, but this torch will always be lit, guiding the way for anyone that wants to join me, or follow behind. I am but one match, but I will make an enormous explosion.

Photo by Donald Tong on Pexels.com

When you see the eyes lined with fire, of all the women ready to shove you aside, you will know we are here” – “Jen Smith ©️- 2019” #sheisnewbrunswick

Jen Smith The word Smith – A future with feminism
Eyes Lined With Fire
Breaking Barriers, Dealing With Mental Illness, featured content, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Living With Anxiety, Pressing the Hot Button, Women's Issues

Back to Basics

Freedom and Truth

Life thew me a few curve balls this year. 2019 has been a challenge for me from the get-go. Some challenges were whipped at me, some were lobbed, but all came at me steadily. As issues arose, I did my best to knock them out of the park. Either way, I stayed in the game. I stayed in the fight. Yes, I eventually got knocked down, it happens to the best of us. I got sucker-punched by those I thought I could count on and trust; make no mistake, I can take a hit and get back up again. I’m not going to pretend that it didn’t hurt. It hurt me really bad. It felt every cut very deeply. It may give those that tried hard to hurt me, some satisfaction to know that they at least partially succeeded, but that’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m healing. Like a lioness injured in a hunt on the Savannah, I had to run off and lick my wounds, alone. I had to get out of the game for a little while. Self-care is a priority for me right now. I had to remove all people and all ties that bound me to the association, from my life. I had to create a safe space. I had to reach out to and rely on my friends. I had to do things that made me happy, that made me feel whole. I started thinking about myself for a change instead of so many others. i have been putting my own needs first, and with each passing day, I allow the hurt to come, and feel it. I feel it and accept it, and put it in its proper place. I don’t try to suppress it and make it go away. Only an idiot would do that. I know that if I push this aside, it will only come back to knock me out later. This is simple psychology.

Time with family and friends is a priority for me

Nowhere Land

I’ve been in a weird spot lately. Everything that has been steady and consistent in my life has taken a new direction. My job, my friends, my political interests. Most importantly, how I decide to spend my time, who I decide to give my energy to, how invested I get, and who I am able to trust has changed dramatically over the past few months. I’ve been pressed to make a decision. It’s not like i’m in a hurry. I have been in the process of talking to as many people as possible and gathering as much information as possible. I like to make an informed decision. The thing is, all those years ago, when I felt the calling to join the Liberal party, and exhaust my efforts for my MP and the various MLA’s whom I supported, I didn’t have an exceptionally high level of trust then either. I keep asking myself, why I would allow things to get a bad as they did? Why was I so naive and trusting with people whom I should have known better than to give any trust to at all? It’s because I gave a little bit more of myself to these people with each day that passed. Each call bank I participated in, each day of action when we knocked on doors, each lawn sign I put up, each member I signed up personally, was done out of a deep belief and conviction. I allowed myself to be convinced that we were a solid team, that we were a big family, that we were friends, that we were doing something together to make a difference, that we had similar goals and aspirations for the people of New Brunswick. I thought that I was dealing with people that were honest and that had integrity. Don’t get me wrong, lots do; probably most of them. I had the misfortune of dealing with and choosing to believe in people I should’t have, because we wore the same political stripe. Most of the fault lies with me. I let myself get hoodwinked over the years. I saw things wearing red-tinted glasses. It was fun and it was fine as long as I agreed with everything, and didn’t question anyone. The moment I started veering off the beaten path, my days were numbered there. I knew it deep down. I was getting more audacious with each passing day, while simultaneously willing the turmoil in my mind to go away. As much as it hurt me, I know the loss is their’s, not mine to bear. This fiasco has forced me to look at myself and those around me differently. Nothing is inherently going to change about me, other than I’m going to listen more to my gut instinct, and my trust will never just be given away ever again in the political arena. From now on, my trust will be earned. I’m left with not having a home politically and not feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere else…yet. For now, I’m going to remain neutral. I know myself too well. I can’t party-jump because I need to know what exactly I’m jumping into. I need something that is a good fit for me. I need something to inspire me, something to grab hold and ignite my passion. As of today, I’m just not feeling it at all; so I wait. I keep talking and observing. I keep holding people to account that need to be. I continue to express my opinions, for what they are worth. I will continue to enjoy my life and live freely with no pretensions or worries about who I am. I know who I am, and what I have to offer. So do the multitudes of people who support me. I am lucky and I am grateful to every one of you. The day will come, in the not-so-distant-future, when I will meet face-to-face, those that intentionally tried to do me harm. They will feel the scorch of my fire; I will remind them that I am a force to be reckoned with. That day of reckoning is coming.

When you see the eyes lined with fire, of all the women ready to shove you aside, you will know we are here.

Jen Smith the word smith – a future with feminism
Breaking Barriers, featured content, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Pressing the Hot Button, Racism, Reproductive Rights, Thoughts to Ponder, Women's Issues

MP Fredericton – Matt DeCourcey

I am so excited to see what Matt will continue to do for our Fredericton riding over the next few years. Proud to be a small part of it! His youthful exuberance can’t be replicated, or faked! It’s refreshing to have someone respresent all of us, no matter what. Most importantly, Matt cares about women’s rights and our youth. Help re-elect him!!

#teamdecourcey

matt3

matt2

matt1

matt4

matt DOA pelky etc

matt team

hargit

 

Breaking Barriers, featured content, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Living With Anxiety, Pressing the Hot Button, Racism, Thoughts to Ponder, Women's Issues

The Wild Card

Bitches Get Things Done

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It’s been a little while since I felt like I was in the right head space to be able to blog. Technically, it wasn’t as much about the head space I was in, as much as it was NOT being able to write freely about what it is that has been troubling my mind as of late. Actually, I still can’t. My hands are tied, at least for the time being. It’s not like anyone tied them. I bound them myself with my unwavering loyalty and a sense of duty that I cannot shake. The words come to me so easily yet I find myself having to keep hitting that backspace bar routinely, because as I have often had to remind myself every time I tried to put pen to paper lately, “you can’t write that.” Let’s not forget what is important right now. There are dirty little secrets people don’t want spilled. Secrets that would cast them in a very negative light, not to mention the bad publicity that would soon follow. Tsk Tsk. No worries! Your secrets are safe with me. I like having aces up my sleeve! Being part of a team means being conscious of those around me and what their needs are. I respect my team. It’s for them that I am holding onto these shameful goings-on. The day and time will come when you will have to answer for these actions; if not from someone else, then definitely from me, when the time is right. I’m like an elephant; I NEVER forget. 

photo of standing woman making shhh gesture
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 It’s been a revealing time; a learning experience. I hardly remember feeling such harsh disappointment like I have felt in recent months, not only in some people who I previously held in the highest esteem, but mostly in the ideals and values that I thought we stood for. At the same time, I have felt such elation after having jumped every single hurdle or smashed apart each obstacle placed in my path. Things that were meant to wear me down instead gave me power. I may have, at times, had to slow down and catch my breath, but only temporarily, and never for long. Throughout the mental exhaustion, I never gave up. It’s just not in me to do that. I will fight for what I believe in until i take my last breath. There have been both good and bad experiences. I have learned that some people I thought were my friends, are not, but I have also made new friendships that have been built on blood, sweat, and tears while trying to achieve a common goal. These friendships are the best kind. I am grateful for all of them. I have seen people in positions of power, use their authority in the most sneaky, dirty, underhanded ways. These people use their power to crush those beneath them. What these people will find out, if they haven’t already, is, I am NOT so easy to crush. I am not intimidated. I never back down. I willingly accept the challenge. I will not go quietly or gently into the night, I will take some along with me for that ride. I mean, literally, I am a survivor!  #metoo

lighted matchstick on brown wooden surface
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I just want all of you to know that I deeply appreciate every word of encouragement, every message of support, and every kind gesture that so many of you sent my way. I even want to thank those that have taught me valuable lessons. I absorbed it all. There are no bad lessons. Just lessons well learned. I took one on the chin a few months ago, for something I believed in. I still believe in it or I wouldn’t be here. I just pulled my head out of the sand and chose to see the reality around me instead of the yarn that was being spun. It was like I was lost in the desert staring at a mirage. The image i was clinging to inevitably ebbed away. I’m staring back at a place that holds no sustenance, and if I don’t start moving I will slowly die waiting for it to come to me. 

You may hurt me but you will never define who I am or what I stand for.  Every struggle I have faced has made me stronger, smarter, and more resilient as a woman. I did not break. I will never break. I have the strength of too many women behind me to not carry on and move forward. I have many male friends and allies that I can count on to support me when I need it. I thank every one of you. 

I know I may have taken some people by surprise, that’s why I’m a wild card. I can honestly say that it shouldn’t have come as a shock. I felt like I got backed into a corner. This requires a defensive play. I was not disillusioned. I knew what I was up against; patriarchy. Again, I was defeated by power, money, and an unfair system. That’s alright though. I learn something new every…single…time, and throw in my own spin just for fun. I accept all challenges head-on, and i am eagerly looking forward to the next one that comes my way. 

black queen chess piece
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Ladies, just remember we are as powerful, intelligent, and as calculating as any man on the planet. We are a force to be reckoned with, especially when we stick together. Remember that. 

Breaking Barriers, Discrimination Against Women In Sciences, Gender Discrimination In The WorkPlace, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Women's Issues

Climbing her Everest

“I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy.” – Marie Currie in Pierre Currie (1936), 167

https://todayinsci.com/C/Curie_Marie/CurieMarie-Quotations.htm

Like everyone else, I take on issues that are near and dear to my heart. I’m a women who has experienced unfair practices at work because of my gender. I don’t think there’s a woman alive that hasn’t felt the sting of discrimination. We’ve been made to feel less than, or out of place and uncomfortable in certain situations. If there is a woman that has been unscathed by aspects of discrimination, I’d like to talk to her and find out what her secret is. We all feel it. We either let it bounce off or take it to heart and let it spur a call to action within ourselves. I have done both. It’s important to pick our battles. I can’t fight every cause out there, although I feel very strongly about many of them. I can only speak about my own experiences and of those whom I’ve witnessed enduring frustrating accepted practices while trying to break down barriers. Some of us are killing it, some of us are coasting, and some of us are barely making it. The fact that women still face discrimination in the work force is common knowledge. Women facing discrimination in STEM fields is not as commonly discussed. These are areas that have been, and still are, dominated my men. These are very competitive fields that require a significant commitment to years of education, time, and research. My daughter is a women of science, educated in medicinal chemistry; a second year PhD candidate in the very competitive field of pharmacology. She’s more than half way up that mountain. This is her Everest. She’s planned each moment down to every last detail.

For clarification purposes, pharmacology is not the same as pharmacy. Pharmacy briefly defined is: a profession in which a licensed Pharmacist dispenses, monitors, administers, and counsels about prescription drugs and overall well-being.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pharmacist

Pharmacology briefly defined is: the science of drugs; including their origin, composition, pharmacokinetics, therapeutic use, and toxicology.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pharmacologyhttps://www.merriam-webster.com

My daughter first experienced discrimination when she was in high school. As a top honours student, she took education very seriously. She knew the goals she had in mind and focused like a lion bearing down on it’s prey. Suddenly she was struggling. She was having a hard time in a relatively easy class. It was a male teacher. She felt creeped out by him. This teacher was very flirty and had leering eyes. My daughter’s friend had no issue being that “teacher’s pet.” My daughter had a huge issue. This teacher had the perfect set up for having complete power and control over whomever he wanted. There were no tests. There were no exams. There were no definitive ways to demonstrate knowledge learned. My daughter had to rely on a man she felt uncomfortable around, in a course that she needed, with a marking scheme over which she had no control. When she finally told me, I approached the school like a mother bear protecting her cub. The administration did a great job at two things; keeping it quiet and doing as little as possible to help my daughter. Long story short, the teacher was very calculating and raised her marks just enough to give her a 94.4% final average. Great mark! Not good enough for the biggest scholarship prizes. She still received decent scholarships, enough that she had very little to no debt throughout her undergrad years. An interesting point about this is; the teacher’s pet who won the huge scholarships, dropped out of sciences in university. My daughter pressed on with nothing but her end goal in mind.

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/gender-discrimination-in-science-is-especially-common/

While she was an undergrad she did a biophysical chemistry internship at an Ivy league school. This is where she found herself in a position of having to endure discrimination yet again in order to get ahead. All the men at this world class research facility were allowed to wear shorts; not women. Men could wear sandals; not women. Women couldn’t show any leg or ankle in the lab but for men it was tolerated. The last issue for my daughter was dealing with her own feelings about how women feel they need to portray themselves to get ahead or to be taken seriously. When she applied for grad school she had a series of Skype interviews that determined, in part, whether or not she would be accepted into this very prestigious, very competitive program. When I saw her right before her interview, I noticed how dressed down she was, and how she wore no make up. I questioned her about this. Her reply was, “I don’t want to look too pretty.” A little part of me died inside hearing this. Not just because she felt that way, but because society still puts such huge pressure on women to look one way or another for certain roles. One thing is for sure; forging ahead facing unique challenges in life is certain to test the will and strength of any woman. I’m happy to say that my daughter, who sacrificed so much to be where she is today, is settled and knows where she is going. The rigid demands of applying for funding, doing research, getting published, and going to classes are offset by intermittent visits home and letting loose with friends; sporting the confidence of an educated, worldly young woman.

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change, I am changing the things I can not accept.” ~ Angela Davis

Allow Yourself To Have Fun

My daughter has subscribed to the high performance pressure that has been put on the women in our family for a long time. Her accomplishments are great and I’m obviously fiercely proud. What makes me happier lately is knowing that she has learned to let her hair down and have fun. This is very important for somebody who has tunnel vision with an unyielding dedication to her education. She’s learning that it’s not just about reaching the summit. It’s the climb.

Breaking Barriers, featured content, Life From A Feminist's Perspective, Living Life On Your Own Terms, Thoughts to Ponder, Women's Issues

Surviving in a world of sharks

Women Haven’t Gained The Rights That We Have By Asking for them – We got them by taking them.

I could say this has been a long time coming for me. It has and it hasn’t. I was a feminist long before I knew I was one. I have my Dad to thank for that. My father, back in the early 70’s, seemed to be a man ahead of his time. Whether it was because I had two older brothers and he knew I had to be tough, or because he was educated and insightful, he had one consistant message for me when I was growing up; anything boys could do I could do better. So off I went helping him with outdoor choors like cleaning the yard, or getting wood ready for winter. I spent more time driving tractors, picking rocks up off the lawn, and feeding the animals than I ever did doing dishes or folding laundry. I have always expected to be treated equally to males. It’s been an assault to my senses when I haven’t been and it happens all too often. I feel like a dolphin swimming in an ocean of sharks. Dolphins have to be cunning and resourceful. They have to outsmart the predator that’s trying to outmaneuver them. So do women. We have to pull the rabbit out of the hat everyday and make the magic happen. Whether it’s being mindful of how we dress, or keeping track of how many drinks are deemed “appropriate”, to being expected to be responsible for a larger share of the workload than a male counterpart; all of us women are dodging sharks everyday. There’s a lesson to be learned from dolphins here ladies; they live in large groups. That’s the key to their very existence and it’s the key to ours. We support each other and stick together to ensure our survival.

Feminism is a vast, very broadly defined movement. Like any cause or ideology that we embrace, we may have different perspectives on how we conceptualize our approach to its application. From a sociological perspective, patriarchal societies are by design, meant to give men a position of dominance. It keeps women in a constant cycle of systematic oppression. This is evidenced by the fact that men still hold most of the power, wealth, and political representation throughout the world. The objective is to understand the origins of gender inequality, and break the bias of these stereotypical roles that we are thrust into, based on these preconceived notions and societal expectations.

I’m brining this up because my key objective is to normalize discussions of the ultimate goal of feminism; gender equality. Women need to dominate the discussions about the inequality we face. We are critical to the changes that need to be brought forth for us to collectively get ahead. We are each other’s strength and support system.

I believe it’s also important that men be a part of some of these discussions. We need them as allies. We need them to acknowledge their sometimes unwitting role in oppression, and be a supporting voice for the equality of women.

It may run against the grain for many men to even consider supporting the idea of feminism. Why would they want to challenge traditional roles that they believe is of a benefit to them? The very system that gives them all the power is also responsible for the additional pressures men feel to be the provider, to always have to be strong, to never show any weakness or emotion, and to always be in control. Men aren’t typically viewed as nurturers and care givers. Without financial resources, this puts them at a disadvantage when it comes to child custody issues.

The scales are very imbalanced. We need to even them out. That means raising women up.

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I am a strong believer in being open-minded and giving weight to all viable theories and sources of information. I acknowledge the few areas that men are the victims of their own patriarchal systems, but this doesn’t supersede the grossly disproportionate number of ways in which men are advantageous over women in every other single aspect of our lives. The reality is, everyone will benefit from having women reach their full potential and from finally getting to experience true equality.