It’s been a couple months since I have been able to write a blog. There are several reasons for this:
1. I battled a severe depression all of 2019 and into the summer of 2020, and because of actions by my family and my very dirty-playing MLA, Jeff Carr, I’m battling depression again. 2. Despite my own struggles with mental illness, I continued with the commitments I had made, which took from my own time for my own well-being. I’m a woman of my word. 3. I attempted suicide three times between December 2019, and July 1, 2020. 4. I received no support from my parents, and one of my brothers and his family, during a time I needed their support the most. 5. Mental Illness does not get any better without professional help. It has taken time for my medication to work and for me to be able to use the tools and resources I have learned about in therapy. 6. Lastly, I ran for office in our snap Provincial Election in New Brunswick on September 14th. I had only a couple of weeks to prepare, fund raise, and campaign. I came in second, despite all the setbacks, roadblocks, and deliberate attempts to hurt me and cause harm to my mental health. I’m thrilled with myself for what I accomplished in such a short period of time. I was in it to win it, but I was realistic at the same time. I used to compete in track and field. This election was like an 800m race, but the incumbent had a 400m head start. It is what it is. I’d like to say it was fair and democratic, and technically, it was by the books. We all know the difference. I’m okay with that knowledge…for now. A day of reckoning will come to those in power who abuse it, just ask the New Brunswick Liberals how that feels.
Me, I Rise Up From the Dead I Do It All the Time…hopefully
I have been hurt by people I love and by people I once trusted and dedicated my life to. I have risen above it. It wounded me, badly. It has taken me a year to heal from some of it. Some of the blows I received as of late are a little more fresh, and will take some time to process and work through them. Considering what has happened, I’m hanging in as best as I can. I’m blown away by the number of messages I get from people who are inspired by my ugly truths. It’s not pretty, but It’s me, and it’s always going to be straight-up truth, I never mince words. The only way healing can take place is when the truth sees the light of day, and is confronted head-on. I have been exposing truths for well over a year now. I’ve collaborated with other formidable women to form a coalition. We confront ugly truths. We know we live in a patriarchal society, and we are aware of and feel the inequality; in difference ways for each of us. I feel it everyday. I’ve been holding people to account for their ugly, cruel words. I spared Jody Carr for his cruel words for one reason only. I didn’t want people to accuse me of using it against Jeff in the election. This is because I’m an honest, decent person. After the stunt, an extremely below the belt hit by Jeff Carr, planting his sign on my parents lawn, and the fact that he has never responded to me as my MLA, I finally found out why. Thanks to Jody Carr. Time for accountability Jody and Jeff. Both of you have caused me harm to my mental health. Jeff Carr, I kept wondering why you were working my father into our conversations. You were trying to rub it in, but I didn’t find out until election day. You should know that that pain from you and my parents put suicidal thoughts in my head again. I barely made it through election day. I did, thanks to a friend. We both know it had nothing to do with the fact that I came in second. It incapacitated me for 2 days. I hope you fell bad, but sadly, all I can picture is a smile on your face knowing your little plan worked. It broke me. You’ve both succeeded in hurting me. congratulations. I know who you are. I was good friends with your father Basil. I spent a lot of time with him just prior to his death. This much I know for certain, he would be ashamed of how you have both treated me and the way you have spoken to me with such thoughtless actions and harmful words. Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves. I am ashamed of both of you. You think you are better than other people. You are not.
In a facebook post at the beginning of covid, Jody commented something to the effect of handing out fines to those not staying home. I, as well as another lady, comented. I told Jody he was an elitest or had an eliteist atttitude. He sent me a private message. This is what the esteemed, former cabinet minister, and now a laywer, had to say to me, when I was still struggling very hard with mental illness:
This is not a pleasant post. I’m pissed off. I’m hurt. I’m allowed to be. I will say this much. I am going to devote my time to people who appreciate me the way I am, who value my education, experience, and skill-sets, and who are supportive of me. I’m not going to be where I’m just tolerated and treated like I’m a fucking stranger. I’m going to go where my passion is celebrated, and not controlled, or ignored. I deserve better. My life depends on it.