2019 was a hell of a year for me. It started in January when I got unexpectedly laid-off by SNC Lavalin. Losing gainful employment is, of course, very stress-inducing. Many New Brunswickers are facing this very prospect right now due to the measures being taken against the Covid 19 virus pandemic. Shortly after my time with SNC Lavalin, I was asked by an individual running in a political provincial leadership race, if I would help him. I agreed to help him because I am a nice person, and we were both affiliated with the same political party. I had also taken on additional responsibilities with this party during the same time period. Because I felt such push back against the leadership candidate who had originally asked for my assistance, I decided to dig in. This candidate was a visible minority, and had several other factors unique to him, that I had heard would be used against him to bring him down. I am an eternal defender of an underdog, especially when dirty tactics, and money and power come into play. This is a huge issue because those with selfish ideals and unscrupulous agendas are the ones who are calling the shots behind the scenes. These are the wealthy elite, who buy friendship, who buy loyalty, who buy favors, and who buy votes, for all intents and purposes. As I have stated in previous blog posts, I was already in the grasp of mental illness. I was trying so hard to do the right thing. I was trying so hard to convince others to do the right thing. So many agreed, but most couldn’t find the courage or the strength to come forward. Some were just selfish, the “what’s in it for me” stage of thinking that seems to come too easy for a lot of people. Despite my communications with the now, former executive director of this provincial political association, impressing upon him how badly I was struggling, and how the pressure that they were putting on me to conform was killing me, he and others, set out to deliberately cause me more harm, by using techniques that are known to be very harmful to those who are struggling with mental illness. A year of mistreatment from this party resulted in a dangerous depression. Rock bottom for me happened in early December. I almost lost my life. I almost lost my life on the steps of this party’s head quarters. They knew. They know. They don’t care. I have never heard a peep from one individual from that party, expressing concern for my well-being or my safety. That’s okay. It’s actually great. It was just what I needed to facilitate my own turn around. When I say the current administration and many MLA’s of this party are heartless monsters, I am not kidding. I mean every word. They are. After December 10th, I never looked back. Thankfully, I am in a really great place, thanks to modern medicine, therapy, and a plethora of supportive people around me. It’s a beautiful feeling. You may be wondering why I bring it up at all? I’ll tell you exactly why. The actions, and inaction of this party almost cost me my life. There is no way possible, I can allow them to do this to another living human being. I will never forget what they did. I will never let them forget what they did. I will continue to remind them, and other parties, that education about mental illness, and how to treat people who are struggling, is desperately needed. I will bring this to light at every possible opportunity.
“You either walk inside your own story and own it, or you stand outside your story & hustle for it’s worthiness.”Brenee Brown
My story is a little rough around the edges. It’s full of mishaps and adventure. It’s full of pain and distrust. It’s full of success and triumph. It’s full of hate and anger. It’s full of understanding and forgiveness. It’s full of fear and uncertainty. It’s full of hope and perseverance. It’s full of love and caring. It’s full of empathy and compassion. Mine is a story of painful lessons and beautiful truths. When I first started writing this blog, I was sharing my pain and struggles, and how I tried to overcome them. Like any author’s writing, my writing style and process has evolved over time; it has become an intricate part of who I am and how I express myself. Throughout this process somewhere I discovered the power in being vulnerable. I accepted myself for all of my attributes, both good and bad. I can turn any negative into a positive, and I used the events of the past year in the same way. I don’t operate in the same way as other people, and just when you think you have me figured out, it’s a new day. Keep dreaming!
One of the best things about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, is that you allow truth to be the main aspect of your life. Most politicians are so concerned with their appearance, and putting on airs, that they hide the best parts or the worst parts – who they really are. I am beyond grateful that I am just able to be myself. I’ve been told by many for most of my life, to tone down certain parts of my personality. I used to. I gave that up for authenticity. I will not pretend for anyone; not for friends, not for family, and not for politics. No one. What you see is what you get, and I promise you two things: I pull no punches and I shoot straight from the hip. Perfection is not required to inspire or help others, they will be inspired by your ability to overcome your imperfections and struggles. 2019 was one of the toughest years of my life. 2020 is my year, watch for it!