You may as well start calling me Steve Tyler, because, like Arrowsmith, it seems “I am back in the saddle again.” That’s ok. I thought there would have been a longer break from the child’s play. It’s not that I needed the break, it’s because I know how strong my personality traits can be. It’s because I know how my deep, loud voice, and my ability to meet any challenger eye-to-eye makes me a very powerful woman. It’s because my candor, forthrightness, intelligence, and broad vocabulary can be intimidating to some people. I figured others might need a break from me. They don’t. The ones that matter, don’t. The ones that do, don’t matter. I know I am a force because I draw my strength from a survivor’s instinct, yet I am unfailingly polite and friendly to mostly everyone, even when I vehemently disagree. I will never been weak, timid, or afraid. I will always stand up for what I believe and for people who can’t or won’t stand up for themselves. I meet confrontation with enough gusto to make a mob boss envious. When I feel threatened, I go on the offensive.
I was disappointed to recently discover that some people I know are not very gracious in their ill-gotten, perceived glory. I hear the digs. I pick everything up. It’s hilarious. If only they had the gumption and the balls to say it to me directly. They don’t. They beat around the bush and drop little hints because they aren’t brave enough to be real. They took credit for my ideas, not 30 minutes after I first made suggestions. I noticed. I’m a woman. I’m used to this shit. The people who did this were, you guessed it, men. Apparently they have very large egos that need to be satisfied. They will be waiting a long time for me to bend over and cave. It’s just not in me. Unlike them, I am able to put on my big girl pants and put the past behind me. It’s out of my control. It’s out of anyone’s control. As the saying goes, absolute power absolutely corrupts. Well, watch the hell out corruption; I know your names, I know your numbers, and I’m coming for you. There will be a lot of us coming when your world comes crashing down around you. You are not being honest with us, but more importantly you are not being honest with yourself. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
We may have lost the battle but we WILL win the war. You aren’t going to control us much longer. At least I can walk with my head held high because I compromise nothing for anyone. I mean what I say and I say what I mean, and then I back it up with action.
Recent events have forced me to change how I perceive reality around me. If you thought I was hard before; stay tuned! The moral center of the institution in which I speak and have been channeling, is now off kilter. Because I was witness to ways that just don’t align with my concept of what is right, I’m going to be a little off guard while I’m waiting for the level of comfort to kick in again. Frankly, I’m supposed to conform, but I refuse. I’m loyal to a fault, so my commitment is unwavering, but my heart is not in it. I’m not stirred up. I can’t seem to get the fire going, but then; the speed of the team is the speed of the leader. I have a hard time following old, elite, white men because I know instinctively, as a forward thinking woman, that they do not have my best interest at heart. I long for the day when a woman leads. Not because she will be soft; exactly the opposite. I respect a hard woman. I can look in her eyes and know she has been to hell and back. I relate. The things I felt would kill me in the past only made me stronger, tougher, smarter, and more resilient. When I hit my 40’s I realized just how dangerous women are. 40’s for women come with a shift change; in spirit, in will, in mind, and in body. We don’t give a shit what you think. We don’t give a shit what you do. We don’t give a shit how much power and prestige you think you have. We just don’t care. We’ve been though the mill and came out the other side. We went though the tough 20’s, when girls are more lost than in their own presence of mind. We already struggled through our 30’s, desperately trying to prove ourselves to others, and wanting about all else to be taken seriously. Guess what ladies? If you are in your 20’s, or 30’s, there is hope. Women don’t need to prove themselves after age 40. We say “fuck that!” “You prove yourselves to us”! We demand power. We demand respect. We demand to be listened to. We ARE taken seriously. The power I have is that I have nothing to lose. I have had money. I have lived in poverty when I went back to university in my 30’s. I have seen both sides. It doesn’t scare me. I am afraid of no one. I am not daunted by child’s play. I am not going to back down, ever! I seize power, I don’t relinquish it. Women, power will never land at your feet…GRAB IT!
So where do I go from here? It would seem I’m left on my own to fight the “old boy’s club.” That’s ok though. I’m not afraid, although they should be. I’ve had my fill of privileged, old, white men deciding my fate. They’ve had my future in their hands my entire life. I’m not satisfied with what I’m left holding. A lot of people aren’t. It’s coming to an end. Women are coming for their rightful place. You should be shaking in your boots. It’s going to feel like a Mack truck when the force hits you. Women are unstoppable. Enjoy your pilfers while you can, but don’t enjoy it too long. If would behoove you to keep an eye over your shoulder, and when you see the bright eyes lined with fire of all the women ready to shove you aside, you will know we are here.